Pokey Minch (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ceasetoexist) wrote2015-10-16 09:34 pm
ceasetoexist) wrote2015-10-16 09:34 pmIC Inbox for ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
cosmographia
"Leave it. So I can delete it."
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ceasetoexist) wrote2015-10-16 09:34 pm
cosmographia
DONE
But I'm pretty much the worst of the worst when it comes to being an older brother. And even I went and told my brother I was here when he got here, even though I knew he'd hate my guts.
So your brother not telling you he's here?
No way. That's not how it's done.
no subject
Pokey's not Bro. He doesn't truly understand the inner machinations of Bro Strider's mind, of course, and Dave doubts anyone could really actually understand Bro other the man himself. But reading the perspective of another big brother... it really, truly helps. Even if Pokey's never met Bro before, even if there's still that nagging doubt at the back of his mind that Bro isn't like other people, that the typical mindset of the average big brother could never be applied to a guy like him because "typical" simply wasn't a word that could ever be used to describe Bro under any circumstances...
Dave chooses to believe in Pokey's words. Partly because it makes him feel better to do so, and partly because the one telling him this is Pokey, who's never been anything other than completely sincere and heartfelt in situations like this.]
hey
im still here
i probably left you hanging for a while my bad
anyway that was a lot of stuff you wrote up and it probably wasnt easy for you to talk about
so
i appreciate all the effort that went into it
youve given me a lot to think about honestly and i think all of this was stuff i seriously needed to hear
and it probably had to be you saying it
because
i dunno
youre the only person ive ever told all this to
i was always scared that just vocalizing these thoughts would somehow make them more real i guess but obviously holding it all in wasnt doing me any good
and i couldnt go to dirk about it because
i dunno
hes my bro but i always feel like such a fuckup around him
i dont know what hed think if i told him all of this
so thanks
im glad i came to you
i should have done that first honestly
and if i had maybe i wouldnt have screwed the pooch so bad with gary
i kind of vaguely freaked at him in the most self-absorbed way ever
like i made the whole thing about me and the possibility that my bro might be alive and fucking with me when he was the one who just had his shit smeared all over the net for everybody to see
so
anyway thanks for being there for me
i probably dont say it enough but i
[...don't know what he'd do if Pokey weren't there? No, that sounds weak and pathetic.]
youre a cool guy
im glad we met
[...still embarrassing, but yeah, let's go with that]
no subject
It's uplifting and discouraging, all at the same time.
There's a major urge, too, to tell Dave that Gary can go fuck himself either way. But he manages to bottle that down as well.]
Something I've learned through doing this crap is
You kind of need to get things out when you can.
If you leave them bottled up too long, you're going to burn and burn until you burn out and the bottle just explodes in flames. Bottling it up doesn't extinguish that crap; somehow it makes it worse.
Emotions don't make you weak, Dave. Ignoring them does. Acknowledging them makes you strong.
You don't even want to ask how long, or what it took, to get me to get my head out of my ass and realize that.
You're my friend, Dave.
Won't always have all the answers, hard as that is to believe. But I'll try.
no subject
Emotions don't make you weak, Dave. Ignoring them does. Acknowledging them makes you strong.
He isn't sure how to respond to that, and he focuses on trying to wrap his mind around it. If he shows his emotions, everyone will know how pitiful and pathetic he really is, right? The reason any of his friends put up with him is because he tries to seem cool and disaffected. That's the Dave Strider that they befriended - the "coolkid." What would they think if they knew what he was really like? Would they still like him?
And... what would his bro think? The one who gave him the shades, showed him the strut, taught him the primary rules of cool?
The chief rule of cool is downplaying your emotions. He's known and lived by this his whole life. To be told now, suddenly, that doing so makes him weak... that he should be letting his emotions show...
Ordinarily, he'd scoff. He'd laugh it off. He'd derisively think to himself that this person just doesn't get it.
But he doesn't do any of that here, because the person saying it is Pokey, and there aren't many people whose opinions he values more. For a moment, he's at a complete loss for words.
His fingers are shaking when he types up a reply. Regardless of what Pokey's just told him, discussing his emotions always makes him feel not just weak but terrifyingly vulnerable.]
yeah
ok
thats really the only thing i could ask of you
[That Pokey tries. That Pokey is willing to listen. It doesn't matter that Pokey might sometimes not know the best solution to the problem, or understand what Dave is going through. Dave thinks it's enough that Pokey is a friend who will listen and who will not think less of him after what he's heard.]
im not really good at this type of thing
but i think
im gonna start trying too
so if theres ever a time you feel like youve got a lot on your chest
i just wanna let you know id always be up for lending an ear
even if i wont have any sage advice or maybe anything worth remembering at all
youve always had my back
even when im beating myself up being fifty different kinds of embarrassed at how bad i just fucked a thing up
so
i wanna have yours too
no subject
So hey. He'd be hard pressed to mind if Dave did scoff. Showing emotions being a strength - it's a dumb thing to say. But somehow the truth is just that dumb at times.]
Do my damnedest to.
Hey. Gonna be honest.
I'm not that great at it either. I just wing it.
Trust me dude. You'll learn. And you'll do fine.
Thank you Dave.
That means a lot to me.