ceasetoexist | Nothing Rejuvenates you Quite like Death

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Nothing Rejuvenates you Quite like Death

[He blinked his eyes as he woke up. Once. Twice. Again. He was in bed? He didn't remember going to bed. The last thing he remembered was...

Oh, for the love of Christ. He honestly didn't know what surprised him more at the moment: the fact he'd managed to get killed twice over two weeks, or the fact that this most recent death didn't bother him as much as the last. Not to say it didn't bother him; having his throat slit wasn't exactly a pleasant experience. But at least it was quicker then being beaten to death or caught by the hazmats and set on fire. So he just sits and stews in his bed for a moment before heading to his phone. And when he gets there, he puts on the most faux-cheery voice he can muster.]

Hi, this is to the lady I had a small run in with yesterday!

You know something lady? I really, really just want to apologize! I admit I might have been out of line when I got so angry at you for entirely invading my personal space despite being asked to leave about three times and continued to watch what I was doing. I know you were probably just curious as to what I was making. So I just wanted to put out a heartfelt apology for hitting you in the head with a wrench. I'll admit I was entirely out of line doing that, if you'll admit you were out of line when you slit my friggin' throat!

[And he'll just slam the receiver down at that. And then he mulls, and agonizes over something for a moment. He really, really shouldn't do this, because he doesn't care about any of them. He hasn't REALLY worked with any of them or known them. So it shouldn't be any of his concern. ...But for some reason, he can't help it. He has to tell them.]

[Filtered to the KND]

Hey. Geniuses. Got a warning for you. There's someone you need to look out for. [And here goes a generic description of GLaDOS]. The woman's crazy. Just thought I'd let you morons know before one of you goes and gets yourself killed interacting with her.

[Filtered to Tak's Communicator]

Get over here when you can. Think we've got the time to start getting Josephine use to you so you can start learning to pilot her. After that, we're headed to the post office.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ah, no.

See, that isn't really enough. Go back to the animal thing. An attack animal, if well trained, can distinguish well enough between its master and anyone else. So the attack animal can tell the difference between it's master and someone else, even if, say, someone else tries to act like it's master.

[And he'll slide down one of Josephine's legs and back onto the ground.]

Here, try climbing up to the cockpit. Promise she won't hurt you. Much.

I heard that...

[She circles back to the front of the mech. Ignoring the whole 'single-eyeballed spider monstrosity' she doesn't look too dangerous at the moment... Tak cautiously steps forward, holding her hand on Josephine for moment before attempting to swing herself up.]

[And it immediately bucks. Not incredibly fast or hard, but enough that it's meant to knock someone off with minimal effort. And it'll continue to do so as long as Tak is grabbing it and trying to get on.]

[She holds on as hard as she can, but it doesn't take long for her to topple off the side. Thwump goes the Irken. She stands, rubs her smarting butt for a moment, and frowns.]

I see. Our 'driving lessons' will involve ironing this little problem out.

[He tries to hide his snicker at that, and fails. Horribly. Okay, he didn't really try to hide it, sorry Tak. He nods a little bit at her comment.]

Yep. Like I said, she has to get used to you. We'll take it slow. Josephine! Down!

[And the spider mech goes into a crouch. Pokey patted it a little, smiling. He kept his hand on it, as if trying to comfort it.]

So here's step one: climb back towards the cockpit again. She won't buck this time.

[She scowls briefly at you before climbing up Josephine again, this time without apprehension. Hell, she already made a fool of herself. And that is clearly the only reason to be cautious.]

[Yep, there's no bucking this time, and Tak gets to the cockpit easily enough.]

Okay, you see the control panel in front of you?

[She's still ready to jump ship, so to speak, if the mech gets irritable again.]

Yes. Yes I can see things in front of my face.

Just making sure.

Cause those aren't what you're going to use to pilot Josephine.

[Well, that gets her attention.]

Really? Then what are these for, the weapons?

Some of them, yes. Technically, they're still the controls. In fact, they're actually very responsive. But they're not going to function for you, not just yet. Because, for the moment? They're locked. She's not going to register any of the manually input commands yet since you're not me. And she knows it.

Instead, to get her habituated with you, you're going to command her verbally.

Fair enough.

... Though maybe if I got your scent on a rag or something ...

Yeeeaaah, that's another advantage it has over animals. Part of why it can tell the difference is all the sensors in the cockpit.

[And Pokey'll climb up onto Josephine, but he'll be standing on her back instead of getting in the cockpit.]

Alright, we'll take this slow. Tell Josephine to stand.

[She'll play along for now]

Josephine! Stand!

[There's hesitation at first. You can practically feel the machine start, then stop, before hesitantly getting up like it was asked.]

There we go.

Alright. We've only got movement functioning for her at the moment, so that's all you can have her do. So tell her where you want her to go.

[Hold on, Pokey]

Josephine, swing side to side!

Oh, you-

[He has time to grab one, because it's a slow sway, but a strong one. And even with the slow speed, it's obvious he's having a hard time holding on when it swings, as evidence by the fact that he practically almost flies off anyway.]

Josephine, stop!

[And it does. He practically falls anyway when he lets go of her, and he's just glaring at you Tak. That wasn't funny. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

Okay, it was kinda funny. Even he'll laugh a little.]

[She's laughing hard. She manages to stop long enough to speak.]

Just - pppphhhtt - just a little payback!

[And now back to laughing.]

[Yeah, okay, its funny, he gets it. He just smirks and lets you laugh a bit before speaking.]

Josephine. Restrain. Arms only.

[And unless she's quick enough to avoid it, Tak'll find her arms immediately tied to the seat as what appears to be a loop of the chair envelopes her arms. ...It's not painful, but it isn't pleasant, considering the material seems to pulse as if it was alive.]

[Tak was not quick enough]

What the-- Eww!

[The cockpit is now full of wriggling and flailing]

[Just laughter at that. He thinks that is just funny as shit.]

Yeah, that's just another one of the safeguards in there. Josephine, release.

[And it does. And Pokey is still snickering.]

Alright, let's try this again.

Good... Good to know.

[She smooths down her antennae repeatedly, her jovial mood having disappeared momentarily. No she does not have any issues revolving around being trapped somewhere, not at all.]

Josephine, move forward.

[And it does at a slow, steady gait. Being a giant spider mech, Josephine wouldn't be known for tearing ass anyway. It's a pretty leisurely walk, and probably the quickest you'll get out of it.

Pokey's not speaking, just enjoying the ride. Seems like you have free reign at the moment, Tak.]

[she's just a little meek at the moment, either due to that little trip down memory lane, or from just being grossed out by the pulsating, or hell freezing over, so for now she'll let Josephine trundle off for a while before changing course] Jiosephine, go left.

[And it does so. Pokey has to admit, he kinda thought you'd do something more...interesting, like ordering her to smash something. He can tell you're holding back and, honestly, he actually feels a little guilt about it. He clearly struck an actual nerve when he really just meant to fuck with you.

So he guesses he'll show you it's alright to do more.]

Hey, Josephine! Smash that car!

[And Josephine does, bringing one of its legs down on top of the car immediately in front of them ~~and on some poor drone about to head somewhere~~.]

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I'mma head off to bed. Good night!

Seeya!