ceasetoexist | 59 - Action/Phone

[Action; Locked to 502 Ricardo]

[Well. Someone's pissy and annoyed after last night's dream. And because of that? Pokey is loud as hell as he gets up and storms off to the kitchen, somehow making a mess as he prepares a bowl of cereal for breakfast. Just fuming.]

[Phone]

Oh wow you morons put two and two together. Guess what? The town is probably brainwashing you idiots into thinking people aren't here. Whatever we were promised, we didn't get zip. I can't speak for anyone else but, uh, I'm legit. So stop running around like morons acting like anyone here is a clone or something.

[Action, Around Town]

[Pokey is busing running around like a moron, trying to search out the people he knows and see who was or wasn't replaced. So far? He isn't happy about the results, and he's busy hustling through the streets pushing over anyone in his way to see who's still here.

Picky? Slugger? Yeah, he'll also be heading for both your houses soon.]

[OOC: Pokey's been erased, so he'll seem like one of those doppelgangers yep.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

godisachild.livejournal.com

[His voice goes from it's needy little whine to a more sincere sadness, cracking. It had always been sincere. It was only now that his defenses were slipping in front of Slugger, in front of this...thing. And he can't help it. He knows it probably is Slugger but with the sense of falseness, of counterfeit to Slugger right now it...for some reason more is slipping out than he wants. And he can't stop.]

I just...I wanted to help. But I can't. Nothing I do helps, not really, no matter how much I want it to. And yet I'm still always the one who gets away, the one who survives. In October when they had the graves and again in-in the wasteland, and I-I..

[His arms, which had been crossed along his chest...unfold a little, his hands moving to his shoulders, gripping at them some. He needs it. It's a defense mechanism he'd had when he was young, and lonely, and needed to comfort himself. And he's trying to stop, because he doesn't want Slugger, fake or not, seeing this.

But it's too late. The dam has burst, and no matter how much he tries he can't patch it.]

I hate that I survived. It should have been you and Ai, or my brother, or someone who is or could be someone. But no, it's just me, always a-alone and cowardly and pathetic. Maybe-maybe you're a m-monster but there are people who care about you, who you make proud, who love you. And I just-just push p-people like that away whenever I meet them! Maybe I haven't yet, but I will eventually, it's what always happens! I push them a-away or they l-l-leave like they do with the dronings in this hellhole and it's always j-just me! It's j-just me and I'm the one who deserves to keep standing the least!

I just-I just thought I could've given you all happiness once! I could have made a difference, and one that wasn't bad! I could have created instead of destroying and given you something and actually been deserving of having been your friend in the first place! And I just fell for a trick! I just fell for a trick like a moron like I always did and now you're disappearing and Ai's disappearing and Picky's disappearing just like I didn't want because I wasn't good enough alone! That has to be it! That's what it's always been!

[He's choking now. From anger, and depression and grief, and embarrassment. He'd started crying a little bit ago, but only now notices it, and whips his head a bit to try and get the tears away from his face. He hates himself. He hates that he's so weak, especially now.]

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I tried to be good enough again and screwed up because I never am and now people who don't deserve, you who don't deserve it, are going to disappear too and I'm so sorry!

From:

strike-you-out.livejournal.com

[Silence.

Then, as much as the idea may repulse him, Slugger approaches and grabs hold of Pokey's shoulder none too gently. He hopes it will jostle some measure of self-control back into working order.]

Stop. You're the real Pokey. Even if it feels like you're not.

[Pokey may be right about the future and he may be right that, in some timeline, his world would be better off without him. Even so, it doesn't change how Slugger feels about him. It didn't matter if Pokey destroyed the world ten times over, he wouldn't choose anyone else as his best friend. One day he hopes Pokey will see that. But right now Slugger must make one thing perfectly clear.]

But know this: I deserve it, too. If you do, we both do.

[He lets go and backs away.]

From:

godisachild.livejournal.com

[Pokey fights back the urge to recoil, to just...jump away as Slugger touches him. It works. It calms him down. It's Slugger, the real Slugger. The disgust, the feelings may not fade but...he knows it.

He just remains silent, still wanting to fight about Slugger deserving it as he quickly wipes his face off.]

...We should probably...find others like us. It may be a good idea to stick together.

[Thank you. Thanks. He doesn't say it out loud, but he's trying to compose himself better. And he hopes that the fact that he's listening shows that he's thankful, in his own weird way.]

From:

strike-you-out.livejournal.com

Yeah.

[It comes as a relief to Slugger when Pokey regains his composure. Seeing him break down like that wasn't exactly easy to watch. So much for choosing his words wisely; though, in a way, it might have been helpful for both of them to let Pokey get it out of his system. There are still some things Pokey had said that bother him, specifically the part about pushing others away. It makes him think about the past year, all that they've been through.]

...Remember when I killed you? And then you killed me?

From:

godisachild.livejournal.com

....Yeah?

So what?

[He's serious. If he thinks it's a big deal? His tone sure isn't showing it.]

From:

strike-you-out.livejournal.com

[That response actually gets a smirk out of him. Evidently, you haven't thought about it much, either.]

Didn't make a difference, did it?

From:

godisachild.livejournal.com

...I guess not.

[He tries not to smirk back. But it's hard. There really is no reason for them to have gotten to the point they're at now.]

I just.....I dunno. I just don't know.

[He shrugs in defeat. He guesses it's something they'll have to talk about eventually, but he can't right now.]

....You still okay at your house, or....something happen?

From:

strike-you-out.livejournal.com

[Hah. He got you there, Pokey. But his grin soon fades at the mention of his "family".]

They think I'm fake. Even Susan...

[It was hard hearing her call him a fraud. He couldn't stay.]

From:

godisachild.livejournal.com

[Wow. That sucks pretty hard, he has to admit. He doesn't really have to worry about the parents in his not!family, since the only member of it he's close with is Clod. But he can imagine, all things considered, how bad that must have been.]

You can come over to my place, if you need a place to stay until this blows over.