59 - Action/Phone

[ceasetoexist]

[Action; Locked to 502 Ricardo]

[Well. Someone's pissy and annoyed after last night's dream. And because of that? Pokey is loud as hell as he gets up and storms off to the kitchen, somehow making a mess as he prepares a bowl of cereal for breakfast. Just fuming.]

[Phone]

Oh wow you morons put two and two together. Guess what? The town is probably brainwashing you idiots into thinking people aren't here. Whatever we were promised, we didn't get zip. I can't speak for anyone else but, uh, I'm legit. So stop running around like morons acting like anyone here is a clone or something.

[Action, Around Town]

[Pokey is busing running around like a moron, trying to search out the people he knows and see who was or wasn't replaced. So far? He isn't happy about the results, and he's busy hustling through the streets pushing over anyone in his way to see who's still here.

Picky? Slugger? Yeah, he'll also be heading for both your houses soon.]

[OOC: Pokey's been erased, so he'll seem like one of those doppelgangers yep.]

Comments

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Don't say that about him.

[His voice is angry. Harsh. Anger isn't particularly unknown to Pokey, but it's rare for it to be anything other than a short, fleeting emotion, that comes and goes. But right now? Is one of the few times it was really just burning brightly. Fiercely.]

Don't you ever say that about him, you piece of crap! He is good enought, was good enough. I was the worthless one.

Why is he gone and not me!

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

Shut up!

[His whole body tenses up. He can feel it wanting to shift into a monstrous form and he's trying very hard not to lose control of himself. While he hates what the fake is saying, it does sound like something the real Pokey would say.]

Tell me. Why do you think I'm fake?

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Why do I think you're fake? Why do I think you're fake?

[That's indignation but, really...he doesn't know for sure why he thinks Slugger is fake. It's just...something he feels.]

I just....look at you! You're totally fake!

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[He looks Pokey in the eye and asks again with more force.]

What is fake.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Stop asking me that!

[Because he doesn't know. He doesn't know. You just are.]

Give him back!

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[Even if Pokey doesn't say it, Slugger senses it.]

...You don't know.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

......

[He grits his teeth, before finally shaking his head.]

No. I don't.

[But because the worst always happens? He knows you have to be fake.]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

Same here. It's a feeling. [albeit a strong feeling]

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

.....Why?

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

I don't know.

[For the moment, he's just staring at Pokey trying not to picture him as fake. It doesn't work well.]

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

That isn't what I meant.

Why did you say yes to the dream?

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

I told you...

[He doesn't want to repeat it but maybe it would do good to explain it with less shouting.]

I thought if I did it, no one else would. It would just be me and nobody would ever know.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Oh. Well okay then!

That's cool! It's not like anyone cares about you or anything.

[He's so full of hypocritical bullshit right now his eyes are brown.]

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

Like you weren't thinking the same.

[Don't even deny that he's got you there.]

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

...I wasn't thinking the exact same.

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[Slugger is being very careful not say anything that will trigger more crazed shouting, so he won't tell you the parts about how he thought you and the others would be better off if he never existed.]

So now what? We're both on the list. We both still remember each other. ...We both think the other is false.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Which means we probably both aren't.

Dunno.

Maybe we're all going to fade in the end anyway. I dunno.

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

Probably...

[He sighs heavily, shoulders drooping. The truth really sucks.]

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

[He shrugs weakly.]

Or the town could really just be screwing with us this time.

I dunno.

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[An idle nod]

...

You shouldn't have done it.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Yes I should have.

[He doesn't think about his response. It's so immediate that he can't help it.]

There's a difference between thinking things'll be better if you're gone and knowing. I know. Nothing good comes from what I do. This was a chance for something good to happen for once.

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

If you didn't exist to destroy the world, someone else would... At least you haven't yet.

1/2

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

No. You don't get it.

[It's Pokey's usual snide, whining tone, made worse by the fact that it's this...this thing that looks like his friend saying that. No. He knows it may not be just a thing but it's...hard. Thinking it's really Slugger.]

I have, just not yet. There's someone from the future, my future, in town, and he told me I do do it! It doesn't matter in the end, I'm still going to do it!

[He crosses his arms across his chest, sneering and still looking away.]

And you know what? I wanted it. I did, once. But I don't now! Now, I actually want to do something worthwhile. I want to help people, the people I care about. I mean, I'm not an altruist, but I don't wanna keep doing this crap! But whoops, who cares, gonna happen anyway.

How dare I wanna do something good you know? How dare I want to do something decent. Or to help people. To help people I care about......to help you...

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

[His voice goes from it's needy little whine to a more sincere sadness, cracking. It had always been sincere. It was only now that his defenses were slipping in front of Slugger, in front of this...thing. And he can't help it. He knows it probably is Slugger but with the sense of falseness, of counterfeit to Slugger right now it...for some reason more is slipping out than he wants. And he can't stop.]

I just...I wanted to help. But I can't. Nothing I do helps, not really, no matter how much I want it to. And yet I'm still always the one who gets away, the one who survives. In October when they had the graves and again in-in the wasteland, and I-I..

[His arms, which had been crossed along his chest...unfold a little, his hands moving to his shoulders, gripping at them some. He needs it. It's a defense mechanism he'd had when he was young, and lonely, and needed to comfort himself. And he's trying to stop, because he doesn't want Slugger, fake or not, seeing this.

But it's too late. The dam has burst, and no matter how much he tries he can't patch it.]

I hate that I survived. It should have been you and Ai, or my brother, or someone who is or could be someone. But no, it's just me, always a-alone and cowardly and pathetic. Maybe-maybe you're a m-monster but there are people who care about you, who you make proud, who love you. And I just-just push p-people like that away whenever I meet them! Maybe I haven't yet, but I will eventually, it's what always happens! I push them a-away or they l-l-leave like they do with the dronings in this hellhole and it's always j-just me! It's j-just me and I'm the one who deserves to keep standing the least!

I just-I just thought I could've given you all happiness once! I could have made a difference, and one that wasn't bad! I could have created instead of destroying and given you something and actually been deserving of having been your friend in the first place! And I just fell for a trick! I just fell for a trick like a moron like I always did and now you're disappearing and Ai's disappearing and Picky's disappearing just like I didn't want because I wasn't good enough alone! That has to be it! That's what it's always been!

[He's choking now. From anger, and depression and grief, and embarrassment. He'd started crying a little bit ago, but only now notices it, and whips his head a bit to try and get the tears away from his face. He hates himself. He hates that he's so weak, especially now.]

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I tried to be good enough again and screwed up because I never am and now people who don't deserve, you who don't deserve it, are going to disappear too and I'm so sorry!

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

[Silence.


Then, as much as the idea may repulse him, Slugger approaches and grabs hold of Pokey's shoulder none too gently. He hopes it will jostle some measure of self-control back into working order.]

Stop. You're the real Pokey. Even if it feels like you're not.

[Pokey may be right about the future and he may be right that, in some timeline, his world would be better off without him. Even so, it doesn't change how Slugger feels about him. It didn't matter if Pokey destroyed the world ten times over, he wouldn't choose anyone else as his best friend. One day he hopes Pokey will see that. But right now Slugger must make one thing perfectly clear.]

But know this: I deserve it, too. If you do, we both do.

[He lets go and backs away.]