alright well do you remember that post about gary that went up on the net i talked to gary about it and i might have seriously fucked things up this time
[Did he remember it Dave gee he might need to think on that a moment.
The idea that Dave 'fucked things up' with Gary makes Pokey astoundingly happy. Good. Hopefully it means that Gary was such a massive tool Dave finally realized the guy wasn't worth hanging around. Of course, Gary's got his hooks so far into Dave that isn't looking like the case.
Shit. Well.
Time to help the best he can.]
Yeah. I remember it.
What happened that you think you pissed the guy off?
um well this isnt a thing im real comfortable admitting but i had a bro back home two bros now i guess alternate dimension horseshit its complicated anyway my bro was kind of a weird dude i mean dont get me wrong the guy was undeniably cool but like it was in this inscrutable sort of way that made him nigh untouchable if that makes any sense he did a lot of things that were way out there and you could never really tell how sincere he was being about it or whether sincerity was a word that was even in his dictionary he was a rapper he knew how to work the turntables and one of his shticks was keepin up with this godawful joke of a magazine called gamebro where the guys reviewing the games had these abysmal personas just imagine the douchiest assholes who dont actually know shit about what theyre talking about smugly reviewing video games basically combine all three of these things and is this ringing any bells in your head
[Oh dear God. What has he just opened up for Dave with this silly bullshit he just did? Pokey has to wonder if his luck has just kicked in, that ephemeral asshole who just wants to knock him on his ass again and again. How else could he explain the fact that he just accidentally channeled the dude's older brother.
It doesn't help that Pokey has his own brother issues to deal with. And it's hard, to not think of them right now.]
I get the idea. I mean. It's kind of the job of the older brother to be mysterious to the younger, you get me? I mean. It gives the younger something to look up to. An example, yeah?
How else are we supposed to get little brothers ready for the world.
yeah im not gonna deny it i wanted to be just like the dude when i was little but i could never live up to the image so i stopped trying like i said hes nigh untouchable anyway honestly i'm not sure WHAT to think i almost want to say dont want to believe it but no thats not necessarily true see back home my bro is dead so if its him then that means hes alive and so maybe part of this is actually wishful thinking on my part? but i mean if its him then what does that say theres no fucking way he doesnt know im here so if hes here and he didnt think to give me a HEY HEADS UP DAVE IM NOT DEAD ANYMORE how am i supposed to feel about that god i wouldnt even put it past him this is the exact sort of horseshit ive put up with my whole life where hes involved whenever i think im alone or whatever it always turns out he was watchin me the whole time whether it was through his shitty spycams or physically with his bullshit ninja moves and i wouldnt find out until i was suddenly being buried in a torrential cascade of foamy puppet plush or dumb jigsaw references so whatever i thought of him sometimes it feels like he didnt think a goddamn thing about me cause if he gave a shit about me he couldnt do this shit so easily right constantly go out of his way to play these stupid mind games with me like its the funniest damn thing in the world to see me get hella chumped by his hilarious antics or whatever i dont know the last time i got to thinking maybe he didnt give a shit about me i lost my proverbial shit so hard i turned into an ugly crow and tried to eat my other bro so im trying real hard to not do that again
Big brothers are jackasses. I'm not saying your brother, specifically, is a jackass. I mean all of us are. We have to be.
We've got to keep that persona up. It's the best way we know how to communicate with little brothers. Don't ask me why. I guess it's just like second nature to us. Little brother is relaxing? Mess with him. Keep him on his toes. Don't give him a minute to breath.
Because doing that crap is fun. Because it's hysterical to watch them squirm.
Because it's bonding, I guess. The best you can do, at times, because how can you just look at your brother and say you care or love them?
Like I'm not looking for an answer there from you. I'm asking how? I mean, you tell a little brother that, just flat out say "I love you", blam. I guess you feel like the little brother might have gotten all they needed from you.
When you say it out loud to them, you're done. Like that's when you've finished being they're big brother. Like what the little brother is working towards is hearing that, flat out. And the big brother knows that.
And they don't want to say it, because when they do?
They think they'll have given the little brother all they wanted. And after that, the little brother just won't give a crap anymore.
So that's why they mess with them. It's the best way we know to hang out with them. Affection in kind of a jerkwad's way.
Don't get me wrong. I don't know your brother. I can't speak for him.
But I'm pretty much the worst of the worst when it comes to being an older brother. And even I went and told my brother I was here when he got here, even though I knew he'd hate my guts.
[It's a long time before Dave replies. For a while, he just stares at his screen and rereads Pokey's words, reflecting on everything that Pokey's said.
Pokey's not Bro. He doesn't truly understand the inner machinations of Bro Strider's mind, of course, and Dave doubts anyone could really actually understand Bro other the man himself. But reading the perspective of another big brother... it really, truly helps. Even if Pokey's never met Bro before, even if there's still that nagging doubt at the back of his mind that Bro isn't like other people, that the typical mindset of the average big brother could never be applied to a guy like him because "typical" simply wasn't a word that could ever be used to describe Bro under any circumstances...
Dave chooses to believe in Pokey's words. Partly because it makes him feel better to do so, and partly because the one telling him this is Pokey, who's never been anything other than completely sincere and heartfelt in situations like this.]
hey im still here i probably left you hanging for a while my bad anyway that was a lot of stuff you wrote up and it probably wasnt easy for you to talk about so i appreciate all the effort that went into it youve given me a lot to think about honestly and i think all of this was stuff i seriously needed to hear and it probably had to be you saying it because i dunno youre the only person ive ever told all this to i was always scared that just vocalizing these thoughts would somehow make them more real i guess but obviously holding it all in wasnt doing me any good and i couldnt go to dirk about it because i dunno hes my bro but i always feel like such a fuckup around him i dont know what hed think if i told him all of this so thanks im glad i came to you i should have done that first honestly and if i had maybe i wouldnt have screwed the pooch so bad with gary i kind of vaguely freaked at him in the most self-absorbed way ever like i made the whole thing about me and the possibility that my bro might be alive and fucking with me when he was the one who just had his shit smeared all over the net for everybody to see so anyway thanks for being there for me i probably dont say it enough but i
[...don't know what he'd do if Pokey weren't there? No, that sounds weak and pathetic.]
youre a cool guy im glad we met
[...still embarrassing, but yeah, let's go with that]
[It's alright Dave. You've given him a lot to kind of think on with this too. The only person he's told. God. That feels both good and, well. Alarming. The idea that he's the one Dave is turning to, when the guy deserves a lot better. Deserves someone who could help him a lot more.
It's uplifting and discouraging, all at the same time.
There's a major urge, too, to tell Dave that Gary can go fuck himself either way. But he manages to bottle that down as well.]
Something I've learned through doing this crap is You kind of need to get things out when you can.
If you leave them bottled up too long, you're going to burn and burn until you burn out and the bottle just explodes in flames. Bottling it up doesn't extinguish that crap; somehow it makes it worse.
Emotions don't make you weak, Dave. Ignoring them does. Acknowledging them makes you strong.
You don't even want to ask how long, or what it took, to get me to get my head out of my ass and realize that.
You're my friend, Dave.
Won't always have all the answers, hard as that is to believe. But I'll try.
[...Oh. Pokey's telling him something here that goes against everything he's believed his entire life.
Emotions don't make you weak, Dave. Ignoring them does. Acknowledging them makes you strong.
He isn't sure how to respond to that, and he focuses on trying to wrap his mind around it. If he shows his emotions, everyone will know how pitiful and pathetic he really is, right? The reason any of his friends put up with him is because he tries to seem cool and disaffected. That's the Dave Strider that they befriended - the "coolkid." What would they think if they knew what he was really like? Would they still like him?
And... what would his bro think? The one who gave him the shades, showed him the strut, taught him the primary rules of cool?
The chief rule of cool is downplaying your emotions. He's known and lived by this his whole life. To be told now, suddenly, that doing so makes him weak... that he should be letting his emotions show...
Ordinarily, he'd scoff. He'd laugh it off. He'd derisively think to himself that this person just doesn't get it.
But he doesn't do any of that here, because the person saying it is Pokey, and there aren't many people whose opinions he values more. For a moment, he's at a complete loss for words.
His fingers are shaking when he types up a reply. Regardless of what Pokey's just told him, discussing his emotions always makes him feel not just weak but terrifyingly vulnerable.]
yeah ok thats really the only thing i could ask of you
[That Pokey tries. That Pokey is willing to listen. It doesn't matter that Pokey might sometimes not know the best solution to the problem, or understand what Dave is going through. Dave thinks it's enough that Pokey is a friend who will listen and who will not think less of him after what he's heard.]
im not really good at this type of thing but i think im gonna start trying too so if theres ever a time you feel like youve got a lot on your chest i just wanna let you know id always be up for lending an ear even if i wont have any sage advice or maybe anything worth remembering at all youve always had my back even when im beating myself up being fifty different kinds of embarrassed at how bad i just fucked a thing up so i wanna have yours too
[He knows. He knows. It is some dumbshit sounding advice. And Pokey can totally get it - when he thinks he can, he'll absolutely still hide his emotions some. Keep his cool so people can't see just how much of a smashed up mess he manages to be.
So hey. He'd be hard pressed to mind if Dave did scoff. Showing emotions being a strength - it's a dumb thing to say. But somehow the truth is just that dumb at times.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2015-11-10 04:38 am (UTC)your offer to talk
is it still open
no subject
Date: 2015-11-10 04:42 am (UTC)[He still feels like absolute shit about earlier. But he's going to be there as much as he can for Dave, that's for damn sure.]
no subject
Date: 2015-11-10 04:44 am (UTC)do you remember that post about gary that went up on the net
i talked to gary about it and
i might have seriously fucked things up this time
no subject
Date: 2015-11-10 04:55 am (UTC)The idea that Dave 'fucked things up' with Gary makes Pokey astoundingly happy. Good. Hopefully it means that Gary was such a massive tool Dave finally realized the guy wasn't worth hanging around. Of course, Gary's got his hooks so far into Dave that isn't looking like the case.
Shit. Well.
Time to help the best he can.]
Yeah. I remember it.
What happened that you think you pissed the guy off?
no subject
Date: 2015-11-10 05:03 am (UTC)i had a bro back home
two bros now i guess
alternate dimension horseshit its complicated
anyway my bro was kind of a weird dude
i mean dont get me wrong the guy was undeniably cool but like it was in this inscrutable sort of way that made him nigh untouchable if that makes any sense
he did a lot of things that were way out there and you could never really tell how sincere he was being about it or whether sincerity was a word that was even in his dictionary
he was a rapper
he knew how to work the turntables
and one of his shticks was keepin up with this godawful joke of a magazine called gamebro where the guys reviewing the games had these abysmal personas
just imagine the douchiest assholes who dont actually know shit about what theyre talking about smugly reviewing video games basically
combine all three of these things and is this ringing any bells in your head
no subject
Date: 2015-11-10 05:19 am (UTC)[Oh dear God. What has he just opened up for Dave with this silly bullshit he just did? Pokey has to wonder if his luck has just kicked in, that ephemeral asshole who just wants to knock him on his ass again and again. How else could he explain the fact that he just accidentally channeled the dude's older brother.
It doesn't help that Pokey has his own brother issues to deal with. And it's hard, to not think of them right now.]
I get the idea. I mean. It's kind of the job of the older brother to be mysterious to the younger, you get me? I mean. It gives the younger something to look up to. An example, yeah?
How else are we supposed to get little brothers ready for the world.
[Shit. Shit he should shut up now.]
So you think this dude is your brother?
no subject
Date: 2015-11-10 05:32 am (UTC)im not gonna deny it i wanted to be just like the dude when i was little
but i could never live up to the image so i stopped trying
like i said hes nigh untouchable
anyway honestly i'm not sure WHAT to think
i almost want to say dont want to believe it but
no thats not necessarily true
see back home my bro is dead
so if its him then that means hes alive and so maybe part of this is actually wishful thinking on my part?
but i mean
if its him then what does that say
theres no fucking way he doesnt know im here
so if hes here and he didnt think to give me a HEY HEADS UP DAVE IM NOT DEAD ANYMORE how am i supposed to feel about that
god i wouldnt even put it past him this is the exact sort of horseshit ive put up with my whole life where hes involved
whenever i think im alone or whatever it always turns out he was watchin me the whole time whether it was through his shitty spycams or physically with his bullshit ninja moves
and i wouldnt find out until i was suddenly being buried in a torrential cascade of foamy puppet plush or dumb jigsaw references
so whatever i thought of him sometimes it feels like he didnt think a goddamn thing about me
cause if he gave a shit about me he couldnt do this shit so easily right
constantly go out of his way to play these stupid mind games with me like its the funniest damn thing in the world to see me get hella chumped by his hilarious antics or whatever
i dont know
the last time i got to thinking maybe he didnt give a shit about me i lost my proverbial shit so hard i turned into an ugly crow and tried to eat my other bro
so im trying real hard to not do that again
1/?
Date: 2015-11-10 05:58 am (UTC)It's not your brother Dave.
[He types that and sends it. And for a minute or two there are no responses from Pokey.
He's sort of just burying his head in his hands. Trying to just breath.]
2/?
Date: 2015-11-10 06:04 am (UTC)But I can speak from how an older brother thinks.
And I know there's no way your brother wouldn't let you know if he was here.
3/?
Date: 2015-11-10 06:09 am (UTC)We've got to keep that persona up. It's the best way we know how to communicate with little brothers. Don't ask me why. I guess it's just like second nature to us. Little brother is relaxing? Mess with him. Keep him on his toes. Don't give him a minute to breath.
Because doing that crap is fun. Because it's hysterical to watch them squirm.
Because it's bonding, I guess. The best you can do, at times, because how can you just look at your brother and say you care or love them?
4/?
Date: 2015-11-10 06:16 am (UTC)Like I guess it feels like. It's like
5/?
Date: 2015-11-10 06:25 am (UTC)And they don't want to say it, because when they do?
They think they'll have given the little brother all they wanted. And after that, the little brother just won't give a crap anymore.
So that's why they mess with them. It's the best way we know to hang out with them. Affection in kind of a jerkwad's way.
DONE
Date: 2015-11-10 06:26 am (UTC)But I'm pretty much the worst of the worst when it comes to being an older brother. And even I went and told my brother I was here when he got here, even though I knew he'd hate my guts.
So your brother not telling you he's here?
No way. That's not how it's done.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-10 07:11 am (UTC)Pokey's not Bro. He doesn't truly understand the inner machinations of Bro Strider's mind, of course, and Dave doubts anyone could really actually understand Bro other the man himself. But reading the perspective of another big brother... it really, truly helps. Even if Pokey's never met Bro before, even if there's still that nagging doubt at the back of his mind that Bro isn't like other people, that the typical mindset of the average big brother could never be applied to a guy like him because "typical" simply wasn't a word that could ever be used to describe Bro under any circumstances...
Dave chooses to believe in Pokey's words. Partly because it makes him feel better to do so, and partly because the one telling him this is Pokey, who's never been anything other than completely sincere and heartfelt in situations like this.]
hey
im still here
i probably left you hanging for a while my bad
anyway that was a lot of stuff you wrote up and it probably wasnt easy for you to talk about
so
i appreciate all the effort that went into it
youve given me a lot to think about honestly and i think all of this was stuff i seriously needed to hear
and it probably had to be you saying it
because
i dunno
youre the only person ive ever told all this to
i was always scared that just vocalizing these thoughts would somehow make them more real i guess but obviously holding it all in wasnt doing me any good
and i couldnt go to dirk about it because
i dunno
hes my bro but i always feel like such a fuckup around him
i dont know what hed think if i told him all of this
so thanks
im glad i came to you
i should have done that first honestly
and if i had maybe i wouldnt have screwed the pooch so bad with gary
i kind of vaguely freaked at him in the most self-absorbed way ever
like i made the whole thing about me and the possibility that my bro might be alive and fucking with me when he was the one who just had his shit smeared all over the net for everybody to see
so
anyway thanks for being there for me
i probably dont say it enough but i
[...don't know what he'd do if Pokey weren't there? No, that sounds weak and pathetic.]
youre a cool guy
im glad we met
[...still embarrassing, but yeah, let's go with that]
no subject
Date: 2015-11-11 04:44 am (UTC)It's uplifting and discouraging, all at the same time.
There's a major urge, too, to tell Dave that Gary can go fuck himself either way. But he manages to bottle that down as well.]
Something I've learned through doing this crap is
You kind of need to get things out when you can.
If you leave them bottled up too long, you're going to burn and burn until you burn out and the bottle just explodes in flames. Bottling it up doesn't extinguish that crap; somehow it makes it worse.
Emotions don't make you weak, Dave. Ignoring them does. Acknowledging them makes you strong.
You don't even want to ask how long, or what it took, to get me to get my head out of my ass and realize that.
You're my friend, Dave.
Won't always have all the answers, hard as that is to believe. But I'll try.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-11 05:36 am (UTC)Emotions don't make you weak, Dave. Ignoring them does. Acknowledging them makes you strong.
He isn't sure how to respond to that, and he focuses on trying to wrap his mind around it. If he shows his emotions, everyone will know how pitiful and pathetic he really is, right? The reason any of his friends put up with him is because he tries to seem cool and disaffected. That's the Dave Strider that they befriended - the "coolkid." What would they think if they knew what he was really like? Would they still like him?
And... what would his bro think? The one who gave him the shades, showed him the strut, taught him the primary rules of cool?
The chief rule of cool is downplaying your emotions. He's known and lived by this his whole life. To be told now, suddenly, that doing so makes him weak... that he should be letting his emotions show...
Ordinarily, he'd scoff. He'd laugh it off. He'd derisively think to himself that this person just doesn't get it.
But he doesn't do any of that here, because the person saying it is Pokey, and there aren't many people whose opinions he values more. For a moment, he's at a complete loss for words.
His fingers are shaking when he types up a reply. Regardless of what Pokey's just told him, discussing his emotions always makes him feel not just weak but terrifyingly vulnerable.]
yeah
ok
thats really the only thing i could ask of you
[That Pokey tries. That Pokey is willing to listen. It doesn't matter that Pokey might sometimes not know the best solution to the problem, or understand what Dave is going through. Dave thinks it's enough that Pokey is a friend who will listen and who will not think less of him after what he's heard.]
im not really good at this type of thing
but i think
im gonna start trying too
so if theres ever a time you feel like youve got a lot on your chest
i just wanna let you know id always be up for lending an ear
even if i wont have any sage advice or maybe anything worth remembering at all
youve always had my back
even when im beating myself up being fifty different kinds of embarrassed at how bad i just fucked a thing up
so
i wanna have yours too
no subject
Date: 2015-11-11 05:52 am (UTC)So hey. He'd be hard pressed to mind if Dave did scoff. Showing emotions being a strength - it's a dumb thing to say. But somehow the truth is just that dumb at times.]
Do my damnedest to.
Hey. Gonna be honest.
I'm not that great at it either. I just wing it.
Trust me dude. You'll learn. And you'll do fine.
Thank you Dave.
That means a lot to me.