IC Inbox for [community profile] cosmographia

Oct. 16th, 2015 09:34 pm
ceasetoexist: (U Mad?)
[personal profile] ceasetoexist
"Leave it. So I can delete it."

TEXT/AUDIO/VIDEO

Date: 2015-11-10 04:38 am (UTC)
ironicoolly: (about shade after been shaved)
From: [personal profile] ironicoolly
hey
your offer to talk
is it still open

Date: 2015-11-10 04:44 am (UTC)
ironicoolly: how you feel (psionically bionically forget)
From: [personal profile] ironicoolly
alright well
do you remember that post about gary that went up on the net
i talked to gary about it and
i might have seriously fucked things up this time

Date: 2015-11-10 05:03 am (UTC)
ironicoolly: a pole vault silhouette past (a gentle yellow overlaps)
From: [personal profile] ironicoolly
um well this isnt a thing im real comfortable admitting but
i had a bro back home
two bros now i guess
alternate dimension horseshit its complicated
anyway my bro was kind of a weird dude
i mean dont get me wrong the guy was undeniably cool but like it was in this inscrutable sort of way that made him nigh untouchable if that makes any sense
he did a lot of things that were way out there and you could never really tell how sincere he was being about it or whether sincerity was a word that was even in his dictionary
he was a rapper
he knew how to work the turntables
and one of his shticks was keepin up with this godawful joke of a magazine called gamebro where the guys reviewing the games had these abysmal personas
just imagine the douchiest assholes who dont actually know shit about what theyre talking about smugly reviewing video games basically
combine all three of these things and is this ringing any bells in your head

Date: 2015-11-10 05:32 am (UTC)
ironicoolly: (its light breath seeping)
From: [personal profile] ironicoolly
yeah
im not gonna deny it i wanted to be just like the dude when i was little
but i could never live up to the image so i stopped trying
like i said hes nigh untouchable
anyway honestly i'm not sure WHAT to think
i almost want to say dont want to believe it but
no thats not necessarily true
see back home my bro is dead
so if its him then that means hes alive and so maybe part of this is actually wishful thinking on my part?
but i mean
if its him then what does that say
theres no fucking way he doesnt know im here
so if hes here and he didnt think to give me a HEY HEADS UP DAVE IM NOT DEAD ANYMORE how am i supposed to feel about that
god i wouldnt even put it past him this is the exact sort of horseshit ive put up with my whole life where hes involved
whenever i think im alone or whatever it always turns out he was watchin me the whole time whether it was through his shitty spycams or physically with his bullshit ninja moves
and i wouldnt find out until i was suddenly being buried in a torrential cascade of foamy puppet plush or dumb jigsaw references
so whatever i thought of him sometimes it feels like he didnt think a goddamn thing about me
cause if he gave a shit about me he couldnt do this shit so easily right
constantly go out of his way to play these stupid mind games with me like its the funniest damn thing in the world to see me get hella chumped by his hilarious antics or whatever
i dont know
the last time i got to thinking maybe he didnt give a shit about me i lost my proverbial shit so hard i turned into an ugly crow and tried to eat my other bro
so im trying real hard to not do that again

Date: 2015-11-10 07:11 am (UTC)
ironicoolly: (carry a flicker wavers)
From: [personal profile] ironicoolly
[It's a long time before Dave replies. For a while, he just stares at his screen and rereads Pokey's words, reflecting on everything that Pokey's said.

Pokey's not Bro. He doesn't truly understand the inner machinations of Bro Strider's mind, of course, and Dave doubts anyone could really actually understand Bro other the man himself. But reading the perspective of another big brother... it really, truly helps. Even if Pokey's never met Bro before, even if there's still that nagging doubt at the back of his mind that Bro isn't like other people, that the typical mindset of the average big brother could never be applied to a guy like him because "typical" simply wasn't a word that could ever be used to describe Bro under any circumstances...

Dave chooses to believe in Pokey's words. Partly because it makes him feel better to do so, and partly because the one telling him this is Pokey, who's never been anything other than completely sincere and heartfelt in situations like this.]


hey
im still here
i probably left you hanging for a while my bad
anyway that was a lot of stuff you wrote up and it probably wasnt easy for you to talk about
so
i appreciate all the effort that went into it
youve given me a lot to think about honestly and i think all of this was stuff i seriously needed to hear
and it probably had to be you saying it
because
i dunno
youre the only person ive ever told all this to
i was always scared that just vocalizing these thoughts would somehow make them more real i guess but obviously holding it all in wasnt doing me any good
and i couldnt go to dirk about it because
i dunno
hes my bro but i always feel like such a fuckup around him
i dont know what hed think if i told him all of this
so thanks
im glad i came to you
i should have done that first honestly
and if i had maybe i wouldnt have screwed the pooch so bad with gary
i kind of vaguely freaked at him in the most self-absorbed way ever
like i made the whole thing about me and the possibility that my bro might be alive and fucking with me when he was the one who just had his shit smeared all over the net for everybody to see
so
anyway thanks for being there for me
i probably dont say it enough but i


[...don't know what he'd do if Pokey weren't there? No, that sounds weak and pathetic.]

youre a cool guy
im glad we met


[...still embarrassing, but yeah, let's go with that]

Date: 2015-11-11 05:36 am (UTC)
ironicoolly: (doused roaring tender)
From: [personal profile] ironicoolly
[...Oh. Pokey's telling him something here that goes against everything he's believed his entire life.

Emotions don't make you weak, Dave. Ignoring them does. Acknowledging them makes you strong.

He isn't sure how to respond to that, and he focuses on trying to wrap his mind around it. If he shows his emotions, everyone will know how pitiful and pathetic he really is, right? The reason any of his friends put up with him is because he tries to seem cool and disaffected. That's the Dave Strider that they befriended - the "coolkid." What would they think if they knew what he was really like? Would they still like him?

And... what would his bro think? The one who gave him the shades, showed him the strut, taught him the primary rules of cool?

The chief rule of cool is downplaying your emotions. He's known and lived by this his whole life. To be told now, suddenly, that doing so makes him weak... that he should be letting his emotions show...

Ordinarily, he'd scoff. He'd laugh it off. He'd derisively think to himself that this person just doesn't get it.

But he doesn't do any of that here, because the person saying it is Pokey, and there aren't many people whose opinions he values more. For a moment, he's at a complete loss for words.

His fingers are shaking when he types up a reply. Regardless of what Pokey's just told him, discussing his emotions always makes him feel not just weak but terrifyingly vulnerable.]


yeah
ok
thats really the only thing i could ask of you


[That Pokey tries. That Pokey is willing to listen. It doesn't matter that Pokey might sometimes not know the best solution to the problem, or understand what Dave is going through. Dave thinks it's enough that Pokey is a friend who will listen and who will not think less of him after what he's heard.]

im not really good at this type of thing
but i think
im gonna start trying too
so if theres ever a time you feel like youve got a lot on your chest
i just wanna let you know id always be up for lending an ear
even if i wont have any sage advice or maybe anything worth remembering at all
youve always had my back
even when im beating myself up being fifty different kinds of embarrassed at how bad i just fucked a thing up
so
i wanna have yours too

Profile

ceasetoexist: (Default)
Pokey Minch

August 2017

S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930 31  

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Oct. 19th, 2017 11:02 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios